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A couple of weeks ago I used the paragraph “Most of my readers are connoisseurs of compositions, devotee’s of dialogue, aficionado’s of non fiction and people what well like good riting” and I particularly enjoyed it, so I thought I’d use it again. The reason I’m using it is because this week see’s Knaresborough play host to “Release the Hounds” poetry festival and unlike the poets and artists they are featuring, I don’t have that many good turns of phrase in my repertoire so when I do a good one I’m going to repeat it. I would suggest once you’ve finished reading this column of calamity you visit the website www.rthfestival.co.uk and see how people who actually can right do it. I mean, for cringing out loud, I’ve used the same “spelling write wrong” joke twice in one paragraph already today. Really though, Release the Hounds looks most interesting if you are into poetry, and if you’re not, do what I’m going to do and go check out the emergency poet vintage ambulance. Seriously.
THURSDAY 12th September
No doubt if you think that a poetry festival in Knaresborough is a little bit “low brow” for you and you prefer a little more sophistication to your evening soirees, tonight you’ll already be heading to the Viper rooms where “Scotty T” from Televisions “Geordie Shores” programme is playing host. For those of you illiterates and philistines who don’t know what Geordie Shores is, it is a current affairs programme that is shown on Sky Arts.
It mainly covers things like which museums have new attractions, who is getting Arts council funding for various ambitions projects, and who has the most ridiculous orange skin and plucked eyebrow and has slept with the most women whilst wearing a vest and baseball cap combo that is both embarrassing and makes you look like you have the mind of a stoat. Scotty T will tonight be holding a focus group about what can possibly be done to resolve the Syrian crisis as expediently as possible, so make sure you buy your VIP meet and greet wristbands at the door.
Unable to contend with such an intellectual heavyweight as Scotty T, I will be sitting on my high horse up at rehab tonight, playing records that other people have made. Please don’t bother to point out the irony that I sneer at people who have made it in the entertainment business whilst I am still essentially an overpaid under talented jukebox.
Upstairs at Rehab has perhaps the only “entertainer” in any of the towns clubs this evening who actually has any discernible talent, Dj Tex will be playing about 7 records at the same time and making it sound great from 10 til 4am.
Sean McGrath is at Christies tonight with his weekly pub quiz, last week he was kind enough to “like & share” this column which was nice of him, nevertheless I am not someone who can be swayed by things like people liking and sharing my work, so I will merely say that without a doubt Sean’s pub quiz tonight is going to be the best pub quiz ever, arguably the best THING ever, and if you go you will get better in bed.
Phil Dean and his Trio (that should probably be the Phil Dean Trio like it says on the website and not Phil Dean and his Trio, which sounds like a man and a 1980‘s chocolate bar) will be playing at The Blues Bar. I’ve never seen his trio, but Phil is a really top bloke and very talented, so of all the options tonight (me, Tex, or some guy off TV) I would probably say this or Sean’s pub quiz is your best bet for a night out where you won’t want to punch someone by the end of it. If you DO want to punch someone after, come see me, I can take a punch and turn that negative energy into something beautiful, like a cat sat on a rainbow in a basket with a pretty ribbon on it’s head.
FRIDAY 13th September
Boneyard are at The Blues Bar this Friday, I would tell you more about them but since all I really do here is act as a middle man and trawl the internet looking for details to re-arrange the order of the words and present as my own, I am somewhat stumped by the fact that where there should be a website address for this band, it just says “website”.
Sam & Jack’s weekly club jaunt “Electro Circus” is on at Rehab this evening, playing upfront house and electro (as you may have surmised from the name) and tends to get quite busy.
Viper Rooms host’s it’s weekly cocktail night Lavish, with Capital FM’s Ollie Hayes and 2-4-1 cocktails all night. I still don’t know how much it is to get in though.
The Guerilla Dub Reggae night is on at Zoso which also has drinks offers on, for something a little bit less mainstream.
My favorite recommendation for tonight, as it ever is when it’s on, is Blood & Thunder, down at Retro Bar. Jamie is the DJ who is REALLY into music and plays stuff from the heavier end of the spectrum. It’s free to get in and Retro is the perfect size for a night out with your good mates head banging like you are in Wayne’s World, only to Lamb of God.
SATURDAY 14th September
A bit of an age specific TOP RECOMMENDATION for this Saturday, indeed this week, is for teenagers and people thereabouts…. SHOCKWAVE festival is on this Saturday at St. John Fishers. Among the acts playing is Capital FM Dj Andi Durrant who I was fortunate enough to play with some years back, he’s a really quality Dj so if you are lucky enough to be aged between 11 and 19 you can go check him out plus a whole host of other acts (my personal favorite from the supports is Snuff, who plays Dubstep and is excellent at it) and listen right, it’s FREE to get in. There’s a football tournament, skate park, assault course and a bunch of other stuff, this really looks very good.
Events like this make me wish I was younger, however I then remember that if in fact I was younger my trousers wouldn’t fit, I’d be incapable of wearing a baseball cap at the correct angel and most of the things I own wouldn’t have been made like they used to be made. I also wouldn’t be able to benefit from the sage advice of kindly older people tutting and moaning at every single thing I do because for some reason they think THEY were the one generation who actually had it tougher than anyone else. Finally as a younger person I wouldn’t have such a surprising amount of nasal hair. Seriously, they don’t tell you about these things at school – what am I meant to do with it all? I could probably fill a pillowcase in a couple of months. But I don’t think it would be very comfortable.
Harrogate seems to be largely business as usual this Saturday, The Blues Bar presents Harrrogate living legend Jed Thomas and his band, Revolution has soulful funky stuff & R’n’B in the front bar with Dj Tex, Disco Dave is in the main room playing upfront dance and chart stuff. Your Dj Pieman is on the top floor at Rehab playing rock and Downstairs it’s dance, both floors being free entry all night. Vipers has Dj Jay Collins playing house and chart music upstairs, whilst in the lounge there’s Angel Lee playing guilty pleasures and feel good music and is free entry before 11pm. Risque is on as usual at Moko Lounge, I think it’s pretty much a house music night but if I’m perfectly honest I can’t really get beyond the first few photo’s on their facebook page without having to close the curtains. The Den is advertising live music on Saturdays when I’m not there, and since this week I’m on holiday one would suspect that’s what’s on tonight.
I’m not sure what’s on at Zoso but I’ve been asked to mention that sometimes it is still available for hire, so if you are sat reading this thinking “there’s nothing on I like”
there is actually NOTHING to stop you hiring it out and putting your own night on. Seriously, I’ve done it a few times, and whilst my nights have been SPECTACULAR failures, that does happily mean that the bar is set really low for you, so if anything, I’ve already done the hard work for you and you can’t fail. If, however, you do, let me know and we can compare notes.
SUNDAY 15th September
Local band Hell Fire Jack, about whom I have raved quite a bit, celebrate one year since they came into being with a free gig tonight at The Blues Bar. They are the type of band who will sound even better in a place like the Blues, so this has got to be a top recommendation for you this Sunday. They are on around about 6.30 in the evening, with Fishers Ghoost (this is how it’s spelt on the website, don’t write in) on in the afternoon and The Gav Coulson band on at night time.
Hmm, I’ve reached that point where, really, I’m just thinking about going on holiday, so I’m just going to phone in the rest of this column with about the same level of dedication and commitment as “serious” rappers use when featuring for one pointless verse on a popstar’s record.. I doubt you’ll notice much difference in quality, quantity or accuracy. Although I probably will say “uh” and “yeah” and “one time for yo crooked ass” slightly less.
Regular weekly things on Sundays go like this:
Tom runs weekly SoundCheck acoustic gig at The Alexandra. Uh.
The Fat Badger has their Sunday Pub Quiz. Yeah.
There are two clubbing options : Viper Rooms will be holding it’s regular “Peek-a-boo” club night toboot, one time for yo crooked ass.
Alternatively you can go to Rehab where it’s free to get in, this week Dj Pieman is in for me, so it’s a rare opportunity to see someone with a worse hair cut than me there.
Cut n’ Paste MONDAYS Every Week:
Your Dj Pieman holds his The Alexandra Pub Quiz with a roll-over cash jack pot and free chillie, the night then continues with several options: Dj’s Max & Jake now run Zoso on Monday nights, playing a pretty much “anything goes” set, Pete Oliver hosts an open mic session at The Blues Bar and “Mokioki”, the karaoki night is the latest open place at The Moko Lounge.
TUESDAY 17th September
The Wilde are playing The Blues Bar this week on Tuesday. I’ve been fanatical about these lads since before they were the Wilde, so I can’t really recommend this enough. Man, it is a REALLY good week at The Blues bar this week…. Forget everything I’ve written, just go to the Blues RIGHT NOW and set up camp for the full 7 days. Although if you could post some money to some of the places I work that would help me out a great deal too.
There is the Folk night at the Tap n’ Spile; Moko Lounge has two rooms open on Tuesday, in the main room it’s upfront dance and electro, whilst in the VIP Room Jaye Selway presents her Rock Box, playing rock anthems. Zoso plays host to The Electro Jam, the weekly open decks sesh where anyone can rock up an play ANYTHNG… Seriously, I would LOVE it, I WOULD LOVE IT, if someone turned up and played the entire 27something minute version of “Gates of Delirium by Yes or something. Revolution holds “Back 2 Rev” each Tuesday with Dj Tex & Sixus which is a house night that is getting a bit of a following.
WEDNESDAYS 18th September
Wednesdays are always :
Dj Pieman at Rehab
Paul Middleton’s Angst band swearing through the night at The Blues Bar.
SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION
I’ve got one of them Mixcloud profiles, Mixcloud.com/djtrevuk, but I’ve not updated it for a while and since I’m off away for a couple of days this week it seems unlikely that will have changed by the time you read this, so it would be pointlessly selfserving for me to mention it at all…. to read more of my ramblings, you can “like” my blog which is at facebook.com/djtrevuk but does contain some fairly strong language and wrong opinions.
Thanks for reading, drink responsibly and don’t be loose with your affections.
Trev x x x