Just four months ago, Richard Cyster’s wife Margaret collapsed without warning from a catastrophic brain haemorrhage and died six days later.
Despite spending a decade supporting bereaved families as a volunteer grief counsellor, Harrogate-based Richard says nothing prepared him for becoming a widower himself, and is now sharing his story as part of The Widowed Collective’s new campaign for International Widows Day.
Richard Cyster, 78, from Harrogate, met Margaret through a local book club in 2007 and married her three years later. Both had been married before and found happiness together later in life, building a life filled with family, friends, walking holidays and shared adventures, and looking forward to growing old together.
That future disappeared without warning on the morning of 7th February this year.
Richard had taken a cup of tea back to bed when he heard a loud bang downstairs. Rushing to investigate, he found Margaret collapsed in the hallway after suffering a catastrophic subarachnoid haemorrhage, commonly known as a major bleed on the brain.
She was rushed first to Harrogate District Hospital and then transferred to Leeds for specialist neurological treatment. Doctors quickly confirmed there was little they could do.
Richard said:
There was absolutely no warning. Margaret had been to her ballet class that week, attended two bridge clubs, and was making plans as normal. We were enjoying our retirement, spending time together and looking forward to the future.
When something like that happens completely out of the blue, your entire world changes in a matter of moments. One minute life is carrying on as normal and the next everything you thought was certain disappears.
Over the following six days, Margaret’s children, grandchildren and wider family gathered around her bedside. Although she briefly regained consciousness at points, she never fully recovered.
Richard said:
At one point she opened her eyes and asked whether she had remembered to put petrol in the car. I don’t think she knew where she was or what was happening, but hearing her voice meant the world to us.
We knew our time was limited, so I suggested we have a little party in Margaret’s honour while she was still with us. All the family gathered around her bedside, we played music she loved, shared stories and memories, and celebrated the wonderful life she had lived.
Instead of moistening her lips with water, I dipped the swab in wine so she could have one final taste of her favourite tipple. It sounds unusual, but it felt right for Margaret. We wanted those final days to be filled with love, laughter and family rather than simply focusing on the fact she was dying.
Margaret died on 13th February 2026 aged 76.
For many years, Richard believed he understood grief well. After retiring, he volunteered with a local hospice, where he trained as a grief counsellor and spent ten years supporting bereaved people. He also established a course called Going Gently through his local U3A group, helping people prepare for death, wills, powers of attorney, funerals and end-of-life decisions.
Remarkably, just hours after Margaret died, Richard still delivered one of his scheduled courses. The subject that afternoon was funeral planning.
Richard said:
I was running entirely on adrenaline. Looking back, I don’t know how I managed it. For years I had supported bereaved people and believed I understood grief.
What I discovered is that understanding grief intellectually and experiencing it yourself are two completely different things. You can know all the theory in the world, but when it is your person, everything changes.
Years before Margaret’s death, the couple had discussed her wishes in detail and prepared powers of attorney and advance decisions. When the ambulance arrived that morning, Richard immediately retrieved a hospital bag kept under the stairs containing everything doctors might need.
Richard said:
I knew exactly what Margaret wanted because we had talked about it. I knew what treatments she wanted, what she didn’t want, and how she wanted things handled. When the ambulance came, I grabbed the hospital bag and inside it were her personal belongings, her Power of Attorney and her Advance Decision. That preparation gives me comfort because I know the decisions made during those final days reflected Margaret’s wishes, not assumptions made by other people.
Now, four months after losing Margaret, Richard is sharing his story publicly for the first time as part of The Widowed Collective’s #WidowedAndForgotten campaign, launched to mark International Widows Day on 23rd June. The campaign shines a light on the loneliness and isolation many widows and widowers experience as they adjust to life after losing a partner.
Richard said:
It feels as though somebody took the completed jigsaw of my life and threw it into the air. I am now trying to put the pieces back together, but there is one piece missing right in the middle.
The Widowed Collective has been incredibly helpful because it connects you with people who understand exactly what that feels like. They understand there is no timetable for grief and that widowhood changes your life forever.
If there is one thing I would encourage people to do, it is to talk to your loved ones while you still can. Talk about what matters, talk about what you would want, and talk about what you wouldn’t want. None of us like talking about death, but those conversations can make an incredibly difficult time just a little bit easier for the people we leave behind.
Natalie Bolton, co-founder of The Widowed Collective, said:
Richard’s story highlights something we hear time and time again, no matter how much experience somebody may have of grief, nothing truly prepares you for losing your life partner.
Through the #WidowedAndForgotten campaign, we want to challenge misconceptions about widowhood and remind people that support, understanding and connection remain important long after the immediate aftermath of bereavement has passed.
The Widowed Collective provides free peer-to-peer support for people who have lost a life partner. Through its online community, practical guidance, events and lived-experience support network, the organisation helps widows and widowers navigate life after loss and find connection with others who understand.
For more information about the #WidowedAndForgotten campaign, or to join The Widowed Collective for free, visit www.TheWidowedCollective.com
